Wow...
I'm sure that every new comic hears the words "Oh, you will bomb, trust me, it will happen."
But until it does, I'm not sure that a person can really internalize that concept. I will have no problem truly understanding what that means ever again....because I suuuu'uuuuucked on stage last night. Which was odd, because this material was on par (in my mind) with the other material I had done and scored a fair share of laughs.
When I got home at about 1am, I sat in my office and attempted to analyze what went wrong, and what, if anything, went right with last night.
I'll say this right off. I bombed, the audience didn't bomb, the bar didn't bomb, the other comics didn't bomb, I did. I didn't give them what they needed in order to get their attention. Perhaps it just wasn't the night for those stories. But, I did have help...
Again, young, self-absorbed girls, talking at full volume because "that guy with the mic is talking so loud, GOD!" I was to go up third and I already noticed that many people were becoming distracted, turning to glare at the women instead of listening to the comic. I felt I should say something, but I wasn't sure exactly what my place in that was. I'm sure that the host is supposed to take care of that, not the comics, however, the host was busy doing his job. And I don't know, but maybe he doesn't enjoy confrontation.
I understand that I am no where near a perfect person, with a perfect memory, unable to make mistakes. Everyone does, I get it.
But if you're going to announce someone, and you're not sure of their name, check with them before you announce them.
I never knew this, but apparently, hearing
"Okay everyone, next up is a very funny man, let's give it up for Brian Waters!" is enough of a distraction to Brian Woods, to immediately begin to fail. I will attribute that to me being a newb and something that I will have to get over.
So I'm on stage, i get in to the middle of my first joke, and i can actually hear the ladies in the back getting louder. At first I'm thinking "oh, it's just you being sensitive, just do your bit and get over it." Then as I get to the punchline of the first joke, I actually see two or three people turning around to glare at the ladies.
I think that I understand now that it was probably my responsibility as the comic to address the situation right then. I've read that when something in the room is too big to ignore, you should address it and move past it. I failed to do that.
As I head in to my second joke I'm already starting to decline in my energy because...what's the point, no one is paying attention...scratch that, no one can pay attention. Apparently, right at that moment, I decided to be a big pussy and not address it. Or perhaps I felt that my time up there was scarce and I didn't want them to "win" by allowing them take up my time.
My second joke gets a chuckle by something I made up and added about 6 hours before I got on stage. This helps a lot, I start to pick it up again.
I get to my second punch, and it falls flat. That is purely me, the story did not work, no one cared. That is my fault.
I head in to my third joke and at this point in the video, it's difficult to even hear me with a mic. I even made a conscious effort to speak louder, as I've been told I'm too quiet. I didn't know it while I was up there, but there comes a point where you can literally see me "give up" even though I'm continuing to talk. The video just kind of shows my head and shoulders slump down. This was a bad mistake. The 1/4 of the audience that could pay attention....I probably lost them right there. The punch falls flat, at this point, a more experienced comic would have probably already switched to a joke they know will work to try and recover.
I on the other hand, head in to my fourth and final and in my mind the strongest of the jokes for the evening. I actually get a chuckle for "So, those Old Spice commercials are pretty funny..." I pause and some chicks starts chuckling, I tell myself it's for me and not what someone at her table said.
I go in to a demonstration of what a "Really Old Spice" commercial would look and sound like, my impersonation of an old guy gets some dude to laugh through my set-up but luckily, the punch hangs in there and actually gets a decent laugh from the audience. Which is good, because it probably kept me from strangling myself with the fuckin' mic cord. Which would have be difficult in retrospect, because it's a cordless mic.
Then I did something that I felt needed to be done, for me, for the audience, the bar itself.
I got off stage.
But then I did something that I felt I had to do or I was going to be pissed off at myself for the rest of the week. See, I hate it when people bitch about stuff, and then don't take any kind of action to do anything about it. That being said, I often push myself in to taking action before it's necessary and I usually go overboard.
So I handed the mic to the host, who apparently had noticed the ladies as well and said something to the effect of "Okay, let's here it for Brian trying to tell some jokes over people that won't be quiet." or something like that. I didn't get a chance to, but I do thank the host for that at least.
I walked directly passed all of the people that had just recently "not laughed at me" to the back of the bar, and confronted the table of ladies. I did not have the ability to stop myself from saying something, knowing that no one else would, and they would just get away with this inexcusable behavior. I actually felt like I was speaking for myself and the rest of the audience. I will admit, most of this conversation sounds exactly like a recent episode of "Louie" on FX. I will admit that it probably influenced my words (aka, I stole his words).
"Hi, how are you all doing tonight?"
"Good."
"Good, great, well hey, I don't want to take up much of your time but I just wanted to thank you for fucking up my five minutes up there."
"Wha?"
"You see, I spent all week writing and practicing, and all day today, unable to eat because of how nervous I am, because I really want to make people laugh. I'm nervous that I'm going to mess up and I'm nervous that someone might heckle me and I don't know if I'm mature enough to not fly off the handle. But what I'm really nervous about is someone distracting everyone to the point where no one can pay attention. And that's what you've done...you've ruined people's time."
"I'm sorry...I was just....you know..."
"Yeah, I know, maybe you just weren't aware. It's no big deal as long as you stop doing that. Stop talking so loudly that people are turning to stare at you."
Then another lady decides to chime in
"Oh my god, what did he just say to you?!" (Keep in mind, I'm standing right fucking there, at their table!)
So I looked her in the eyes and calmly said...
"I said "Stop talking loudly", you are ruining people's night, you are being rude, stop it. Okay?"
Yes, I said it in a very condescending way, like I was admonishing the "children's table" at Thanksgiving.
Sadly, this "talking to" in which I attempted to at least be civil and human in my approach, only had a five-minute life span. Towards the last comic that was competing, they pretty much forgot there was anything at all outside of their table and other's seemed to follow her lead and the bar was just a bar with some guy talking in the background. Comedy night seemed to be over 20 minutes early this night....
Oh, but low and behold, the "feature" gets up and the table goes insane for him, yelling and "wooo"ing. Obviously, they're with him. And go figure, they were perfectly quiet for him, like good, considerate humans should be.
I thought he did fine, he had is material down and he seemed to feel comfortable on stage. I'm also glad that he got a nice room to perform in...I just wish everyone else was afforded the same consideration.
But like I said; I bombed. The other comics had to deal with them as well and they were still foraging through and getting laughs. So, I will chalk my failure up to experience and attempt to learn from it.
You can see my failure as soon I post it on YouTube at www.youtube.com/user/labtoday
Brain
P.S. Bombing doesn't hurt so much the next day....
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